School Holidays Rock

I’m aching, emotional, hoarse from shouting and ready to fall into bed early most nights. Yes its school holiday time.

But do you know what School Holidays Rock!

I’ve got to paint, play hide & seek, eat snack food and generally have an awesome¬†time. Best of all I’ve got talk, laugh, play, cuddle with my children.

School holidays give us freedom from routine and lets us just be. We get to just chill out, relax and have fun.

Of course it wouldn’t be so special if it wasn’t limited. Also my bank balance couldn’t cope with all the days out if it 365, but school holidays are just enough to make it special and affordable.

As a family we are lucky, we have a caravan and we save for holidays and days out. Though sometimes the purse strings get a little tight and we have to find more economical ways to have fun. The reality is we just enjoy being together as a family.

This year has been a little different, the teens have wanted to go their own way a little more but all in all once they are away from their peers they forget about acting like cool teenagers and relax and remember fun has no age restrictions.

I love spending time with my family and to be honest I’m shocked that we are already over half way through the holidays. Note to self finish shopping for new uniforms.

I have enjoyed every minute. Yes it’s been tiring even frustrating at times (did I mention I have teens).¬† But every day, every moment I get to spend with my children is a gift. They grow so quick and what I’ve learned the hard way is you can’t turn back time.

Hope you are enjoying the holidays and remember they are only children for such
a small time. Enjoy, embrace and make memories.

I am so convinced that School Holidays Rock I opened my blog for some guest posts. Pop back tomorrow to read how another awesome family are enjoying the holidays.

Don’t forget feel free to join in and let me know why you think School Holidays Rock !!!!!

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Silent Sunday


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I don’t care what people say.

I don’t care what people say it doesn’t get easier. Time doesn’t heal. The pain doesn’t lessen. The only thing that changes is the way you cope with the anguish.

You train your mind to move elsewhere have an arsenal of thoughts, ideas to distract you from the deep burning ache within your soul. The tear across your heart that hurts so bad.

Just tonight I found myself chancing across a photo
I hadn’t seen for a while and my heart broke again into a million pieces.

Its strange that only earlier today i was talking about the need to keep my mind occupied that any down time leaves space for the memories to come flooding in. The fact is I don’t need space, my daughter is in every thought,every breath I take.

In a few hours I will take flowers to her grave. I will stand there feeling empty and broken. The flowers are all that I can do, keeping her resting place pretty. I don’t believe she is there anymore yet I need it to be pretty.

Then on Sunday I will pack for my holiday still feeling the emptiness of her missing. Going through the motions knowing that nothing will ever be complete again. Nothing is how it truly should be.

I don’t live it the past, as I’ve said before that wouldn’t be fair on my other girls. What I will say is I live in the now, in the future aware a piece of me is missing.

Somedays I pretend. I convince myself she is at school. It’s easier when the girls aren’t with me but when we are all together the pretence doesn’t hold.

I sound depressing don’t I. I really don’t mean to. I’m not this way. It’s just those moments when my resolve crumbles and I break. I’m angry at the world and life is pretty dim. I let the tears fall and the grief loose out of soul. Then ten maybe twenty minutes later before the girls see my tears I pull myself together and carry on. What choice do I have really.

I’ve said before I still find it hard to believe that your heart can break but your body carries on. At times against your will.

So this post has been written in one of those broken ten minutes. The tears are falling and my heart is aching. Soon it will be time for me to pull myself together but as the girls are safely tucked away in bed. I may just let myself be for a while. Drop the act, scream at God and just generally grieve for my beautiful daughter Livvy who left to soon.

For those who say time heals that’s the biggest lie. Time just means more time without the one you love.


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What kind of woman???

I was chatting to a friend and she was discussing a recipe she was trying out I completely glazed over you see I cook to eat I don’t enjoy it.

We laughed over how unlike a woman I am.

I hate cooking, housekeeping is a bore. I’m far from crafty and while I enjoy a garden I forget to water plants and have been known to fondly grow weeds. Add this to my dislike of clothes shopping my friend asked me “what kind of woman are you??”.

To be truthful I don’t know how to answer this. I love children but also love my own space. I love to read but only murder, crime true stories etc, woman magazines bore me dreadfully.

I enjoy television but again only Crime dramas, CSI, action films. I hate reality programmes and things like, strictly come dancing or XFactor.

Clothes are a necessity I actually do like to look nice but have been known to buy the same top twice. I would love to dress more up to date but I just get frustrated and bored by shopping and trying on clothes. My wardrobe did improve with internet shopping. As for spending hours getting ready for a night out, the most I ever take is 20 minutes. My hairdresser gets mad at me too, I’m bored half way through my blow-dry.

I detest gossip and I’m very straight forward. It gets me into trouble at times. I can’t do celebrity worship I respect people who are good at their jobs admire musicians; actors etc but never stress about what or how they are doing.

I love my friends but prefer small gatherings to big groups.

So after all that, what kind of woman am I. My friend bless her decided I was “A strange one”. But am I really? Or is the truth in fact that I’m boringly normal and the image of woman who the media portrays is a little off course.

Let me know what you think am I normal or strange? Be nice x

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My perfect bubble

After writing about how I really need space yesterday. My mind got wandering,thinking about what would be my perfect bubble, my haven from the world.

A lot of ideas went through my head. A desert island, a house on the beach. A farm in the middle of nowhere. My final choice was a remote log cabin on a lake.

Somewhere where I could watch the water, listen to the trees and just feel at peace with the world.

I would have with me the books off my waiting to read list. Some music and of course my laptop for the moments I require human contact. Also stocked cupboards with my favourite foods and my preferred tipple.

Notice I haven’t mentioned my husband or children and yes this may sound horrid but for a few days solitude is what I need, what I am desperate for.

Of course after a few days they can join me playing on the lake and climbing trees. No Blackberrys allowed. ( anyone with teenagers will understand the need for the absence of BBM).

Just writing this down sounds heavenly. The idea of no one calling my name, no phone ringing. Nobody needing my attention. The joy of an uninterrupted meal. A cup of tea that hasn’t gone cold.

Before I disappear into the heavenly place I’m creating in my mind. Share with me your perfect bubble, create your haven. Maybe even write a blog post about it. If you do don’t forget to link back to me so I can have a read.


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Weight of the world

I’m so very tired, yet I’m struggling to sleep. I have no reason for this insomnia beyond the normality of my life.

Do you ever have times when you feel anxious and stressed, but cannot actually pin point the reason behind these feelings? That’s how I’m feeling right now.

My stomach is giving me trouble, headaches a plenty and my memory well I forgot where I left that.

I don’t understand what’s going on, maybe it’s just a bad week with my illness but the truth is I’m actually ok pain wise. Crazy right!

I’m loving having the children off school, even if I confess it is constant.

I wonder if it’s the dismay I feel from the world around me. The riots really shook me. The news is full of horror stories, neglect and selfishness.

Sometimes being part of this world brings me down. I dream of the fairytale land where families are united and friends are true. Where people like to work, learn and respect life and others around them.

I know that world is only in my dreams, human nature doesn’t allow for this to happen, greed, envy will always get in the way.

The truth is I just need to learn how to protect myself from it. Hide in my own bubble, staying true to who I am. It’s not easy. I just want everyone to be happy and content.

I was told today I look like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and that’s exactly how I feel.

I need ideas to help me lower my anxiety and stress and I need to learn how to let go of the things I have no control over.

Any suggestions????

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Too young to have faced so much.

My girls have had to face so much in their short lives that it sometimes leaves me angry at the cruelty of life. They have had to grow and face pain that is beyond their years.

This pain has left scars. It’s took pieces of their hearts away and left them with worries others have never considered.

Saturday my two older girls went out on a bike ride and my eldest Kennedy went over her handle bars and landed in the road with a right thump.

Thankfully besides from being shook up, grazed and bruised she was ok, but for my second eldest Eden it was a different matter. She literally fell apart.

These two teens argue like cat and dog but Eden tells me that when Kennedy hit the ground “she couldn’t breathe for fear”. Even when she realised Kennedy was ok she couldn’t let go of the nightmare she was imagining, losing another sister.

Kennedy told me that sore and battered she had to calm Eden down. Eden was sobbing, heartbroken with fear.

I hate that a bike accident can scare my daughter so much. That she has faced the horror of loss twice that she is so aware, so scared,and expecting it again.

How many thirteen years fear the loss of a sibling. How many are woken with nightmares of her sister always out of her reach.

How many dream of cures and miracles so others don’t feel their pain.

Life isn’t fair, I hate the loss of my girls innocence.

I want their only worries to be of prom dresses and make up.

Yet we can’t turn back time. Kennedy’s accident was just a reminder that life is unpredictable and the only thing we can do is embrace it, live it and love.

Make the most of today is our motto. I just wish my girls hadn’t had to learn this the hard way.




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When plans change

I had today planned weeks ago. I was excited and looking forward to meeting up with friends.

Then a phone call happened and in a split second my plans were changed. I was rather fed up.

Thankfully my daughter reminded us of plans we had made about spending some one on one time together with her.

So off we went to Cafe Ceremica for an afternoon of fun.





As you can see from the photos, the smile on my daughters face makes me glad our plans got changed.

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Holiday in photo’s

I’ve spent the last few days in a frenzy of appointments and trying to recover from my holiday. Isn’t it ironic that you need a holiday to recover from one. Though any parent will tell you this is the case.

Last week was a an emotional time lots of tears but lots of laughter. I’m so glad I found the courage to go but I’m so pleased to be home.

A week of memories.

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Back and in shock

I’m back from my week at camp. I feel like I’ve travelled into another universe. In the middle of a field in Wem, Shropshire with no television I had managed to convince myself the riots were a mere fabrication of the media.

Returning home I’m struck by the horror of reality.

I don’t know what to make of the scenes of carnage I am witnessing on my television screen.

The irony of it all makes me sick. I have spent a week with some of the bravest people I know. Children fighting for their lives, living with severe disabilities. Parents facing daily battles arguing for necessary equipment to ease, improve their child’s quality of life. Yet I don’t see them taking to the streets looting, stealing, destroying. Using the excuse of feeling sorry for themselves of the life they have to live.

Whatever the reasons there is no excuse for the violence, the sheer horror of what is occurring.

My heart breaks when I think of the way our country Is being portrayed around the world. I hope people will understand that the mindless thugs are a minority of England not the majority.

I think of the homes, businesses, lives destroyed in the last few days and I’m lost. I cannot comprehend how people must be feeling.

I listen, read the rage against the police the politicians and yes I agree mistakes have been made but the fault lies at the feet of the rioters. Nowhere else.

I don’t know what the future holds for our country. I pray that from destruction can come new growth. That changes that can be made.

Right now I pray for peace, may the violence end and may all people be safe.

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