Crap Happens

“Crap Happens’ is what they say,yet why is it always on me is how I feel.

I can’t breathe anymore, the pretence Is suffocating me. Trying to be normal, the fake smile is making my face ache.

‘She’s a coper that one?’ ‘always strong’ ‘there for others’ ‘great at picking up the pieces’.

‘Get lost’ is what I want to scream. I’m not coping I’m surviving and only just. Dark thoughts are like snakes slivering in to my brain.

I don’t want to be strong, I’m completely fed up of having to carry on. Curling up into a ball sounds bliss.

Am I depressed I don’t know today I may tick all the boxes tomorrow It may be different. I don’t want a label I want understanding.

I want people to see it hurts, that my soul is aching and I want that to be ok. I need time, patience and respect. Feeling down isn’t a crime. Wanting to shout ‘enough’ isn’t weakness just the mind trying to protect itself.

It’s the expectations of others that do the damage. Telling me how to be, how to move forward.

I just want to feel now!

To wake up tomorrow and be hopeful for a new day.

Maybe it will be. Today I’m not coping I’m just surviving.

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About sarawith4

I'm a stay at home mom who loves her faith and and family. I am a new christian and still learning about the glory and grace of our Lord. I'm also a grieving mom who has to try each day to smile. Knowing my child is with the Lord brings me comfort but doesn't take away the pain of missing them.
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3 Responses to Crap Happens

  1. Felipe Neumann says:

    It’s okay to curl up and forget about all that crap sometimes, it’s okay to take a deep breath and tell these people to give you a break.
    There’s no need to be so hard on yourself… so don’t let others do it!
    Our pain is ours, it’s nobody’s business but our.
    Do whatever you want to do with it – as long as it helps you moving on. 🙂

  2. Tina says:

    Every step He is with you. Through the valley as on the mountaintop.
    No pretence needed. He knows and cares. Your tears are precious. He saves them in His bottle.
    Love you sister. Praying you feel the love of Gods people right where you are. More importantly that you are enfolded in His love, mercy, grace an peace.
    Hugs

  3. urbanvox says:

    you and me both… so alike… lol!!!
    you know what they say about doctors being the worst patients???
    Just be the person you want to be!!! Be the best you can be!!!!
    (And nope… I don’t mean join the army… 🙂 )

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