“Crap Happens’ is what they say,yet why is it always on me is how I feel.
I can’t breathe anymore, the pretence Is suffocating me. Trying to be normal, the fake smile is making my face ache.
‘She’s a coper that one?’ ‘always strong’ ‘there for others’ ‘great at picking up the pieces’.
‘Get lost’ is what I want to scream. I’m not coping I’m surviving and only just. Dark thoughts are like snakes slivering in to my brain.
I don’t want to be strong, I’m completely fed up of having to carry on. Curling up into a ball sounds bliss.
Am I depressed I don’t know today I may tick all the boxes tomorrow It may be different. I don’t want a label I want understanding.
I want people to see it hurts, that my soul is aching and I want that to be ok. I need time, patience and respect. Feeling down isn’t a crime. Wanting to shout ‘enough’ isn’t weakness just the mind trying to protect itself.
It’s the expectations of others that do the damage. Telling me how to be, how to move forward.
I just want to feel now!
To wake up tomorrow and be hopeful for a new day.
Maybe it will be. Today I’m not coping I’m just surviving.