Dig a little deeper

Losing a child is something that effects everything in your life. The way you see things the way you do things.

Yet accepting the changes to yourself is easy compared to watching your other children cope with the loss of their sister.

Today I’ve been struck again by how deep the wounds are.

Eden comes across as so happy, easy going and full of life. But the truth is far from this. Dig a little deeper and you fine a child angry at the world trying to cope with the heartache in her soul.

Her confidence is such a fragile thing and besides being there for her I’m not sure what else I can do. I’m lucky she is surrounded by people, friends, coaches who love and care for her. Though at times even this love isn’t enough.

Three years this November since Livvy passed yet tonight Eden told me it still feels like yesterday.

It was a simple thing today that brought the tears. A desire to prove herself to someone she admires. A determination to find herself where she was before her loss. To be who she was before the pain.

How do I tell her that we can’t go back. That the pain is something we have to face. It’s not fair I know it isn’t but as we all know life isn’t fair.

So many times I wish we could go back for our family to be whole.

The truth is we won’t be whole again. The missing piece is gone out of our reach.

I love my girls so much each tear that falls breaks my heart. I don’t know how to heal their hearts. My girls are so incredibly brave. I just wish they didn’t have to be.

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About sarawith4

I'm a stay at home mom who loves her faith and and family. I am a new christian and still learning about the glory and grace of our Lord. I'm also a grieving mom who has to try each day to smile. Knowing my child is with the Lord brings me comfort but doesn't take away the pain of missing them.
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6 Responses to Dig a little deeper

  1. Though I’m in very different circumstances I feel for you and agree that sometimes seeing other’s hurt is as painful as the grief itself.

  2. Julie Elliot says:

    Love you all lots , I can see how much you all hurt xxx

  3. Sometimes, actually pretty often, life’s all about picking up the pieces and trying the best we can to move forward.
    Some wounds take longer to heal completely, but we must be thankful for being able to keep fond memories of the good moments. They’re the proof our pain is real… but hey, pain and laughter always walk hand in hand, so there’s always something to smile about.
    God gives, God takes – the only reason why He does so is to help us grow and be happy in the long run.
    I can see all your hurting from this far away, I can also tell you, however, that we’re all struggling while walking down this narrow path called self discovery, we all have our daily inner battles for different reasons… but happiness is on its way. Guaranteed.

    • sarawith4 says:

      Thank you for commenting. I pray for happiness. I know my life is blessed. I have so much to be thankful for in my life, but I do wonder if 100% happiness is ever achievable after the loss of a child.

      • Thank you for paying a visit to my blog. It’s a bit depressing right now but I hope I can soon overcome this phase and write about joyful things to help others as well.
        Happiness always sounds like something that’s so far away when we lose someone we love, even if they’re just gone due to a break up, which happens to be my case.
        I honestly can’t even imagine your pain, but I know how you feel towards happiness.
        I guess we focus so much on “getting there”, when true happiness is all about taking a nice stroll while we still have time and enjoy the view.
        We can always kick those rocks out of our ways and if they’re too big, there’s always someone close who’s willing to help pushing them off our path.
        I’ll stay tuned to your blog, you’re officially in my prayers now. 🙂

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