Losing a child is something that effects everything in your life. The way you see things the way you do things.
Yet accepting the changes to yourself is easy compared to watching your other children cope with the loss of their sister.
Today I’ve been struck again by how deep the wounds are.
Eden comes across as so happy, easy going and full of life. But the truth is far from this. Dig a little deeper and you fine a child angry at the world trying to cope with the heartache in her soul.
Her confidence is such a fragile thing and besides being there for her I’m not sure what else I can do. I’m lucky she is surrounded by people, friends, coaches who love and care for her. Though at times even this love isn’t enough.
Three years this November since Livvy passed yet tonight Eden told me it still feels like yesterday.
It was a simple thing today that brought the tears. A desire to prove herself to someone she admires. A determination to find herself where she was before her loss. To be who she was before the pain.
How do I tell her that we can’t go back. That the pain is something we have to face. It’s not fair I know it isn’t but as we all know life isn’t fair.
So many times I wish we could go back for our family to be whole.
The truth is we won’t be whole again. The missing piece is gone out of our reach.
I love my girls so much each tear that falls breaks my heart. I don’t know how to heal their hearts. My girls are so incredibly brave. I just wish they didn’t have to be.