I feel ashamed of myself. Yesterday as we celebrated my daughters fifteenth birthday I was in a rather awful mood. I’m told no one noticed but I know my heart wasn’t in the right place.
As I watched my daughter open her presents and cards my heart was heavy. She is growing up and I don’t like it.
Don’t get me wrong she is beautiful, incredibly talented and at times the most frustrating child I have ever known. Yet she isn’t a baby anymore. In three years time she will be an adult.
I sat myself down for a talking to. Why was I so sad? Was I jealous of the life she has yet to live? No I’m excited to see where destiny takes her.
The truth is I’m scared, she doesn’t need me as much anymore. She can feed, clothe herself. She is venturing out in to the big wild world and yes I hate it.
From the moment I knew i was expecting I have protected this child all my children now I’m reaching the point in life where I cannot protect them always. It scares me silly.
Although you will hear me state that I am more that just a mum. Being a mother has completed me and while I know that I will always be their mum my role is changing. Slowly but surely they are all edging towards adulthood and independence. Even my ten year old tells me ‘she isn’t a baby anymore’. But the truth be told they will always be my babies.
I have a period of adaptation before me. I have to encourage their independence their growth and I also have to do it with a smile.