Having to adapt

I feel ashamed of myself. Yesterday as we celebrated my daughters fifteenth birthday I was in a rather awful mood. I’m told no one noticed but I know my heart wasn’t in the right place.

As I watched my daughter open her presents and cards my heart was heavy. She is growing up and I don’t like it.

Don’t get me wrong she is beautiful, incredibly talented and at times the most frustrating child I have ever known. Yet she isn’t a baby anymore. In three years time she will be an adult.

I sat myself down for a talking to. Why was I so sad? Was I jealous of the life she has yet to live? No I’m excited to see where destiny takes her.

The truth is I’m scared, she doesn’t need me as much anymore. She can feed, clothe herself. She is venturing out in to the big wild world and yes I hate it.

From the moment I knew i was expecting I have protected this child all my children now I’m reaching the point in life where I cannot protect them always. It scares me silly.

Although you will hear me state that I am more that just a mum. Being a mother has completed me and while I know that I will always be their mum my role is changing. Slowly but surely they are all edging towards adulthood and independence. Even my ten year old tells me ‘she isn’t a baby anymore’. But the truth be told they will always be my babies.

I have a period of adaptation before me. I have to encourage their independence their growth and I also have to do it with a smile.

I’m trying!

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About sarawith4

I'm a stay at home mom who loves her faith and and family. I am a new christian and still learning about the glory and grace of our Lord. I'm also a grieving mom who has to try each day to smile. Knowing my child is with the Lord brings me comfort but doesn't take away the pain of missing them.
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5 Responses to Having to adapt

  1. Caroline says:

    Kennedy is a little ahead of Aimee and Joseph in years but yes I had had that realisation..lol when I heard the song ‘Slipping through my fingers’ from Mamma Mia. The daughter is getting ready for her wedding and I must admit I cried at the realisation that my children are growing up.
    You are right you will always be a Mum and it is about adapting..your girls will always need you though, they will always be your girls…just in a different way, another part of the journey.
    Congratulate yourself on doing such a brilliant job of bringing them up, they are all fantastic and you should be proud,they are a real credit to you
    huge (((HUGS))) xx

  2. My daughter is just 15 as well, my son 16, and although they drive me mad in many ways through these teenage years I know how much I will miss them when they head off into the big, wide world without me beside them. But I know from watching friends with older kids & from my own relationship with my mum that you don’t ever really lose them & they have the habit of boomeranging back – and that we will continue to have our uses for many years to come! The great thing is you obviously have a good relationship with your daughters so they will always want you in their lives – as the previous comment says, you should be very proud of yourself!

  3. I understand. My older daughter will be 21 in September, my younger daughter 18. They are adults now, both going to college, and moving on to lives of their own. I was sad for a time but I realized it was as it should be. I’m approaching a new phase of my life. I’ll always be mother but I’m also friend in a way I couldn’t be before. It’s new, it’s scary, but it’s good as well. Hang in there. You’ll make it. 🙂

  4. Pat Yirrell says:

    Sara, believe me, they will always need you,my daughter is nearly 30, and last year presented us with our first Grandchild. She needs me in a different way now, and I’m loving it. Just let your girls know you will always be there for them, even when they make mistakes. ‘A son is a son till he gets him a wife, but a daughter’s a daughter for the rest of her life.’ i’m still around for my son too, when he needs me!

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