The Labyrinth of my mind

All this week I feel I’ve been on a battle to the depths of hell. The inner demons have been wrestling my soul. Nothing has brought me peace.

I have been evil. I could use the excuse that I’ve been sick with the flu but while this may be one element of the truth the reality is a much bigger picture.

I do not understand the way I have been feeling my mind is like a jigsaw and the answers are in the missing pieces.

My grief is overwhelming yet this is not all the reason for my pain. Sometimes I really just don’t understand this world, don’t understand people.

Any reader of this blog will know my faith is a big part of my life yet even though I love my God, I trust in Jesus, I still feel like a searcher.

Yet searching is exhausting.

I haven’t been to church much since the end of last year and the reality is I don’t know why. The people are lovely the sermons are great yet at times I feel that I am going through the motions. I don’t want that, I want to feel my faith. I want it to touch my inner soul.

The fault lies at my feet yet how do you fix when you don’t know what’s wrong?

Maybe it is just the general chaos of life. Things have been changing our life has changed.

I have read about people losing their faith yet I don’t feel this is what I’m saying. My love for God is as strong.

This is so hard to explain. It’s like I can’t listen to music on low I have to immerse myself in the notes the beats feel the vibration in my heart.

I writing this wondering if I will ever post it. If you are reading this then I guess I have.

I don’t know what the answer is to be honest I haven’t a clue what the question is.

The labyrinth of my life.

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About sarawith4

I'm a stay at home mom who loves her faith and and family. I am a new christian and still learning about the glory and grace of our Lord. I'm also a grieving mom who has to try each day to smile. Knowing my child is with the Lord brings me comfort but doesn't take away the pain of missing them.
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2 Responses to The Labyrinth of my mind

  1. urbanvox says:

    Sometimes losing your faith is not so bad…
    I am talking from the point of view of a pastor that has lost his so many times…
    Why am I saying that? Simple: Every time we feel lost we instinctively search for an answer to things… and every time I did that I discovered awesome new things about God… About life… and recently about myself (something that as you well know, I am still working on… 🙂 )
    The fact that you might have lost faith doesn’t mean that you have forgotten God… or that Ha has forgotten you…
    We’re all in the journey hun… and every time you need some help to step over a boulder I am just an sms away. 🙂
    big big biiiiiiig hugs!!!

  2. Pat Yirrell says:

    Sara. if you have had flu, then you are not your normal self. You need rest for your body and mind. try reading a light book, nothing too taxing or upsetting, or watching a video perhaps a children’s video. You need to keep you mind occupied to stop it racing round and round. ‘Be still and know that I am God’
    My husband has said to me in the past when I haven’t felt right going to church, ‘all the more reason for you to go’. If It all depended on us we would fail every time, but it doesn’t, it depends on Jesus. If you can’t even pray, just say ‘Please Lord have mercy upon me’ He knows,He understands.
    Love and Prayers Pat

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