Sometimes ,Enough is enough
Sometimes.,I don’t want to play nice
Sometimes,The pain nearly destroys me
Sometimes,I want to give up
Sometimes,I need to fight
Sometimes,I get frustrated that you can’t understand
Sometimes ,I would never wish you this pain
Sometimes ,It feels like a beginning
Sometimes, It feels like the end
Sometimes, It’s the missing
Sometimes, It’s the loss
Sometimes life makes sense
Sometimes, it doesn’t
Sometimes, I trust
Sometimes, I lose faith
Always I love you.
Grief is a funny thing and for me it’s been a journey of emotions. Three steps forward five back.
I go from happy to sad quicker than any sports car.
People ask what is it that makes me sad? How can you explain it? Unless you are there with me you can’t understand.
I don’t want people to understand I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone.
For me I get the added element of guilt in my grief. My daughter suffered from a devastating condition that caused her daily pain. Yet I wish her back to this life. What kind of mother am I?
I get frustrated with people who see me moving forward doing things, fostering, laughing with my children then say something like “. You’ve done well to get over it”.
What!!! Get over losing my child, be real. You never get over it you learn to hide the pain, to live life the best you can with that broken piece of your heart missing.
I spoke to another bereaved mother and was also reading get words and again was filled with guilt. How could I be grateful that she really understood my pain as understanding means feeling it.
The desire to run away from the world. The overwhelming urge to save our other children from any pain, having they suffered enough already.
I get frustrated with myself when I can’t be a good friend. Well people turn to me for comfort and I just feel like saying “is that all you’ve got to worry about”. This isn’t who I want to be, yet sometimes people take what they have for granted.
It’s been over two years since Livvy died and some days the pain feels so raw it feels like only yesterday.
I am moving forward yet i refuse to leave my daughter behind. She is with me in everything I do.
I am who I am due to my children. I can’t explain, measure my love for them. From the very first moment my daughter was laid in my arms I knew i was meant to be a mother. The greatest job in the world.
I will always be a mom of four daughters.
Sometimes this has to be enough.
Sometimes it’s one day and a time.
Sometimes faith keeps me strong.
Sometimes it doesn’t.
Always I have Hope.