Lost inside yourself
How do you explain that you are lost inside yourself?
That there isn’t one particular reason just one of a few!
Nothing really alarming or worrying just at times my head feels full of endless questions I have no answers for.
The crazy thing is life is like that, full of unanswered questions! We all face them from the gigantic to the tiny.
I have to work on acceptance!!!!
What is that famous prayer?
“God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.” Reinhold Niebuhr
I need to use this as a daily mantra.
If I was to try to psychoanalyze myself (not a good idea). I would say I have control issues.
I believe that life has fallen out of my control. Losing Livvy, I couldn’t control this and numerous of other things that have happened.
I feel that the need to control my life is so great that those times when I have no control I find myself feeling scared, anxious and lost.
As I look at my life I can see that these feelings have led me to close in on myself. To try and stay in a secure circle and leave others on the outside. This isn’t the right way, but it was the right now way.
Like most things in life it’s an evolution. Progression, moving forwards, onwards, upwards whatever you call it.
I am moving on now, letting go slowly of my desire to control everything.
I am reminding myself that there is ONE in the control, one who wants so much for me. ONE who loves me like no other.
“The Lord appeared to us in the past saying, “I loved you with an everlasting love. I have drawn you with loving kindness.” Jeremiah 31.3
“Absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us. “ Romans 8.38-39
Letting go of my controlling behavior isn’t easy for me to do, my mom tells me I was this way when I was little, would make plans years in ahead. Then when life changed and my plans had to change with it I would tumble into despair.
This is far from the free-spirited person I believed myself to be.
2011 is my year to be free from the restrictions I place upon myself. I want to flow with the river of life.
I hear God calling me to trust, to reach out my hand, I hear and trust in his promise to always be there.
I am joining up again on the faith jam over at Faith Barista. Don’t forget to go check out Bonnie’s site she is so inspiration.