I’m not sure I’m cut out to be a friend. I seem to have a track record of messing things up. Not though cruelty or nastiness just the changing of life.
I came across some pictures the other day of a group of friends having a good time, the only thing different for me was that I was missing from the photos. I remember occasions previously when I would have been there, yet I wasn’t. It’s no ones fault just that my world dramatically changed and theirs hadn’t.
I have heard it said that sometimes people come into our life for a moment, a day or lifetime and I guess I just have to accept this and move. Yes the world does carry on turning.
I know for a fact that I’m not the same person I was before Livvy died so why should I expect to be surrounded by the same people.
I don’t want people to read this post and think I’m bitter because I’m not, it’s a experience I have lived before when Livvy was diagnosed, some people who I classed as dear friends couldn’t cope with the life I had to live. That’s ok, we are all different.
Life is forever changing and we are forever growing. Yet I must admit I do wonder if friendship and I do mix.
I know I can be quite selfish and just want to spend time with my family. I forget to text and phone calls well phone phobia doesn’t help here. I’m lousy at making plans mostly due to being the personal assistant to three adorable but busy girls.
I also love time on my own, reading, praying, blogging.
Where do you find the time to be a good friend, the kind I want to be?
My husband tells me I’m adjusting and that I will relax and embrace the joy of friendship again. He is probably right (please don’t tell him I said that), but I wonder at this moment.
I have nearly deleted this post because it sounds full of self-pity
That’s not where I’m at!!!!
I do have some amazing friends don’t get me wrong but I worry that I let them down. I guess my husband is right. I think way too much.
Today I’m taking comfort in the fact that whatever life throws at me I have a friend in Jesus.
“No one has greater love [no one has shown stronger affection] than to lay down (give up) his own life for his friends. ” John 15: 13