I’m trying to be patient

Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.

Psalm 27:14

I keep reading this over and over. I want it to inspire me with faith and hope, but as the days turn into weeks I find hope slipping away like water into the soil after the rainfall. Unlike the water which is providing nutrients to the plants my hope is leaving me wanting, waning.

I sometimes find myself on my knees crying with frustration, I pray to God with questions, yet I know I shouldn’t. I know that’s he has plans for me.

“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”

Jeremiah 29:11

Yet I can’t see those plans cannot feel them in my hands.

I look back at the last two years since Livvy died when I had reached a point when I believed life couldn’t get any worse. Yet I have witnessed more grief more pain. I want to shout to the heavens, why me, why us.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, Because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”

James 1:2-3

How I want to be this brave to see all my troubles as a tests of faith and to be strong enough to face them. Yet here I am weeping into my pillow with frustration. I am not brave. I am scared of the future. I feel lost and worried.

I find strength and gratitude in Grace, that even when I am feeling low and are angry at life I know that

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith — and this is not from yourselves it is the gift of God”

 Ephesians 2.8

Life isn’t going the way I wish it to, but I have to hold on. I have to wait patiently for the Lord.

It isn’t easy but I do know I’m not on my own.

My inspiration, my girls , my life

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About sarawith4

I'm a stay at home mom who loves her faith and and family. I am a new christian and still learning about the glory and grace of our Lord. I'm also a grieving mom who has to try each day to smile. Knowing my child is with the Lord brings me comfort but doesn't take away the pain of missing them.
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2 Responses to I’m trying to be patient

  1. kingfisher says:

    God loves you, Sara. He knows that “our flesh is dust”. He knows we want to serve him, love him, praise him, wait patiently on him. He knows that our spirits are willing, but our flesh and minds are weak.

    “Does thine heart condemn thee? God is greater than thy heart; and if thy heart condemn thee not, then it shall be well with thee.” (I take this to mean that we need not condemn ourselves for our impatience or our tears and fears. Because we also know that God is greater than our heart, and he isn’t mad at us. Therefore, it shall be well with us.)

    You certainly don’t have an easy life. But I thank God that you keep turning to him for comfort, guidance, and strength. He is with us even when we can’t see a way or a future. (I have to keep saying that over and over to myself. Because I leak a lot, and the concept that I am a delight to the Father and a joint heir with the Son often eludes me.)

    He who hung the stars, and created all his creatures — including us — is BIG enough. “God guarantees to bring us to himself.” (Ephesians 1:14, TLB). I can’t really grasp this; it’s counter-intuitive. But oh, how I have to cling to his promise that it’s so. I pray he’ll give you strength to hang on to that, as well.

  2. Tina says:

    Oh Sara, it iss so ough tiong up our absolute faith and confidence in God with our feelings of a berieved mother. The pain is so deep and so real and yet we know with confidence all those promises you quote are God’ promises and totally secure!
    In my thoughts and prayers always.
    Love a hugs

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