When I realised that the question on Faith barista, faith jam was “How are you hearing God” I actually found myself upset. No fault of Bonnie’s just the constant knot in the bottom of my stomach that is getting bigger and bigger, you see I’m struggling to hear God.
In fact I was beginning to believe that he just didn’t wish to talk to me anymore. That was until yesterday when I published my post Escape. This post was written from where my heart is at this time, I was scared about posting it. I mean blogs should be all sweetness and light! Yet it was on my heart to bare my soul.
I now understand that God was talking to me and I slowly began to hear him. It wasn’t in a glowing light with angels in pure white clothes. No it was in the comments that poured in from you all, the emails you send full of love and support. You made me feel less alone in this crazy world, that even the best of us have times of doubt, stress and confusion. I heard God in the stories you shared with me, in the scripture you quoted. I heard the beautiful angelic voice of our God in your love.
I can’t tell you how I began to feel as my inbox slowly began to fill with comments; it was like a heavenly message saying “Can you hear me now”?
A lot of the messages spoke about giving me time and this I believe is what I needed to hear. The last years have been about listening and protecting others, and yes while this is ok I need to protect my heart a little more. The enemy loves my aching heart. I also need to allow my heart to be open to others; it is not weakness to need a friend at times.
I cannot put into words my gratitude to all of you that commented, emailed, and twittered me yesterday. All I can say is thank you for allowing me to hear God in your words.
To top it off guess what song was the first one on my iPod after its shuffle?
Thank you Lord for breaking down my barriers and loving me enough to make me hear you!