Escape – The post I wasn’t going to post.

To be honest I wasn’t going to post this, then I began reading comments that people wish for honesty on blogs. So I decided that yes it should be posted. Life is far from easy for us all. If my honesty brings comfort to anyone then I’m happy.

This may sound terrible but some days I want to escape.

I am fed up of being mom, of being wife, daughter I just want to run and hide.

I’m not sure if I would actually recognise me anymore. Who I am? What I want, it’s been buried under the desires of others.

I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. You accept  that when you get married become a mother that your priories change. For the most I love the roles I play, yet sometimes enough is enough. I want to run and hide from everyone who knows me. To be a complete stranger to everyone, maybe in the anonymity I could find me again.

I get lost in the sounds, the teenage arguments, the endless questions requiring answers. The chores, the shopping. My mind being constantly on the go! The forever working of the brain.

I want to sit in the silence and just be. No thoughts to break the peace, no demands pressing on my time, just to be.

Maybe in this silence I can open my heart again to Jesus, to remind myself of the love he has for me. I’m sure the enemy loves the chaos of my mind; it is when I’m lost inside the endless that he adds doubt to my mind.

The girls wouldn’t be fighting if you were a better mother, your husband would be happier if you were a better wife. Money manager, cleaner, laundress, yes I hear him and slowly in the exhaustion I believe him.

I want to escape into the silence where the enemy can’t reach my inner sanity. Where I know that I’m not alone! Jesus will be there, a place where I can learn to believe in me again.

I am going to spend sometime in the search for myself because

Where is Sara, I miss her, x

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About sarawith4

I'm a stay at home mom who loves her faith and and family. I am a new christian and still learning about the glory and grace of our Lord. I'm also a grieving mom who has to try each day to smile. Knowing my child is with the Lord brings me comfort but doesn't take away the pain of missing them.
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20 Responses to Escape – The post I wasn’t going to post.

  1. Kelly says:

    Girl…..I get it! Plus….just throwing this out there….escape to Indina – we would love to have you come visit 🙂 So…it is totally crazy here too, but it would be different craziness for you AND there are two completely adorable little ones whos cuddles are like therapy only cheaper!!
    Love Ya!
    Kelly
    And I am completely seriously!

  2. I have days too where it all seems so overwhelming, and I wonder how I will make it through. I just want you to know I’m praying for you!!

  3. Been there! Its so easy to get lost and get overwhelmed! It’s ok to take a break. Take a weekend or a couple days away (or just send the kids away!) to get that quiet alone time. I have to do that every once in a while to keep my sanity.

    “I’m sure the enemy loves the chaos of my mind; it is when I’m lost inside the endless that he adds doubt to my mind.” – that right there is what we fight every day. God is not the God of chaos. He is a god of peace. Praying for you!!

  4. Erin M. says:

    Oh sweet Sara. Those same thoughts have come throughh my head and sometimes a little escape WOULD be helpful. Praying that you will find what you need so you can find who you are 🙂 You are so dear.

  5. Chele says:

    Oh my sweet, sweet Sara…. you are definitely not the only one. Seriously, I’ve been there. Then, the Lord says to me “I blessed you with those children and your husband.” He wouldn’t give us things we can’t handle as long as we are WITH HIM at all times. I have to remind myself that all the time. I wish you were closer, I would find a way to take you on a retreat away from it all… we all DO need that from time to time. To gather ourselves up from the busyness of life. This is kind of a God-incident (as I like to call it). I’m struggling with pain, fear and so much more with my health conditions… you are struggling with pain, fear and much much more than me with all the things you have already been through. My devotional said two days ago and I’m hanging on every word… “Come to me when you are hurting and I will soothe your pain. Come to me when you are joyful, and I will share your joy, multiplying it many times over. I am All you need, just when you need it. Your deepest desires find fulfillment in Me Alone.” Read John 15:5 for some more.
    I’m sorry to write a book but dear Sarah, I want to help you feel better. Even though we are online friends only, I do love you and care for you. All I can do in this moment is pray. I am always here for you and you know how to get a hold of me. HUGS!!!!

    • sarawith4 says:

      I don’t know how to tell you how much your friendship and encouragement means to me.

      You have so many worries of your own and yet you take the time to encourage and comfort me. God works within your words.

      I pray for your health and problems and wish I lived closer so I could be a friend and help you as you help me.

      I have spent some time today thinking hard and trying to repriotise some things. It’s my anniversary next week so hoping to spend some quality time with hubby. A quite walk in the woods sounds heavenly and cheap lol.

      I do thank God for the medium of writing as it’s pure therapy allowing my feelings flow into my words. Thank you for your inspiration.

      Love you loads.

      Sara xxx

      • Chele says:

        Love you too girl! And thanks for the prayers as well!! Yes quality time with just the hubby is a beautiful thing in itself! Love doing that!

  6. Girl, if I could sit with you and hold your hand, I’d do it in a heartbeat. We could share stories of dreams to dust and sorrows that never seem to end. But in the end, I imagine, we’d turn to laughter and praise remembering that it is valleys that bring height to mountains and darkness that brings clarity to light … for God is not unaware nor unloving and He is full of fresh mercy for our wounded souls every single morning. I’m praying for you and asking the Lord God Almighty to touch your heart in this moment with His comforting presence. Much, much love.

    • sarawith4 says:

      I am Reading these comments with tears in my eyes. I am so blessed with amazing friends. Thank you God for the welcome I recieve from some incredible ladies. Xxxx

  7. Carol says:

    I know I must be much older than you. I am retired and a widow. When I was young and took care of a family, husband, worked, home and a little mini farm, I became over-whelmed. Never time to stop and think of who I was, was I doing things the right way. Did I know how to raise my children, could I be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister. God is with you as he was with me and he will get you threw the feelings that you have. I know who I am, I am The Lords child and so are you.
    He will confort you and be there for you no matter what. The Lord know’s who you are and he loves you.
    I have one son that is married and he has two very small children. I try at least once a month to go to visit them ( they are 3 hours away) and give my son and his wife a date night. Time for them to go and be a couple. Maybe this could help you also. Have a time when you can be totally by yourself so that you can stop and think of the beautiful person you are. I to will pray for you, God loves you and now you have new friends that love you to and will pray for you.

  8. Lori says:

    Sara,
    No one but moms can understand what you are saying so I hear you loud and clear! It is overwhelming and is easier to get lost within the noise and no longer participate but instead just slip into the silence, the temptation is so great. But my friend the silence can engulf you. Who you are is a mom, wife, daughter, friend, writer and so much more. God has blessed you and tried you time and time again but you know Him and that is why I hear you calling for Him. He is there but in the chaos He seems so fleeting. Find a temporary calm, meditate in prayer, take a walk in nature, call a friend and let them know you are just going to talk because you need to be heard, not for advice but for them to listen. You have the strength to handle this, God gave you the will, the easiest path is not the right one for a reason. I am holding you in prayer because you need that support. You have reached out to God and in our comments you will hear His voice, read the comments again and again, feel the support and let us lift you up when you fall. We all fall but we have to get back up and not retreat forever into the silence. I pray that you feel His presence this moment and His embrace this night when you hold your children and your spouse holds you.
    Love & Peace,
    Lori

  9. Pingback: I finally hear you! Thank you. | Walking with Angels

  10. SomeGirl says:

    Praying you find rest for your weary soul in the safe, strong love of God. We all feel overwhelmed in our roles at time and understand the feeling of wanting to escape. You are not alone!

    With much love and prayers,
    Michelle

  11. Katie Orr says:

    Great post! Thanks for this. I am there, too.

  12. monica says:

    ah! modern motherhood! isn’t it grand?

    I’m convinced that’s why the Lord invented blogging (ok, inspired someone to invent blogging. haha)

    You are not alone. I suspect there are a LOT of Christian women/mothers who feel like escaping. I know I feel like it often.

    I pray the Lord lifts up your spirit. Keep reaching out to us in blogosphere. We get you. Hugs.

    m

  13. I can relate to every single word you’ve expressed here (as every mom can!)

  14. Kristy K says:

    Sara,
    You sound like I do somedays. It would be nice to have some downtime. Thanks for being so honest. I sometimes am afraid to post things like this because it’s hard to bare my soul. You did it so well.

    Hugs to you!

  15. I don’t think there is a mother alive who has not wanted at times to escape — until the kids are grown and the house empty. Then, there is the opposite feeling at times — to want it all back. Funny people, we human beings.

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