To be honest I wasn’t going to post this, then I began reading comments that people wish for honesty on blogs. So I decided that yes it should be posted. Life is far from easy for us all. If my honesty brings comfort to anyone then I’m happy.
This may sound terrible but some days I want to escape.
I am fed up of being mom, of being wife, daughter I just want to run and hide.
I’m not sure if I would actually recognise me anymore. Who I am? What I want, it’s been buried under the desires of others.
I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. You accept that when you get married become a mother that your priories change. For the most I love the roles I play, yet sometimes enough is enough. I want to run and hide from everyone who knows me. To be a complete stranger to everyone, maybe in the anonymity I could find me again.
I get lost in the sounds, the teenage arguments, the endless questions requiring answers. The chores, the shopping. My mind being constantly on the go! The forever working of the brain.
I want to sit in the silence and just be. No thoughts to break the peace, no demands pressing on my time, just to be.
Maybe in this silence I can open my heart again to Jesus, to remind myself of the love he has for me. I’m sure the enemy loves the chaos of my mind; it is when I’m lost inside the endless that he adds doubt to my mind.
The girls wouldn’t be fighting if you were a better mother, your husband would be happier if you were a better wife. Money manager, cleaner, laundress, yes I hear him and slowly in the exhaustion I believe him.
I want to escape into the silence where the enemy can’t reach my inner sanity. Where I know that I’m not alone! Jesus will be there, a place where I can learn to believe in me again.
I am going to spend sometime in the search for myself because
Where is Sara, I miss her, x