Does he know how much I love him? He scared me!

Yesterday morning I was woken by a phone call that shocked me to my very core. It was my husband, he had taken a fall while out mountain biking. My heart just stopped as he explained that he was ok, he had struggled to breathe for a while but was bashed, sore and bruised but otherwise he was ok and  on the way home.

If I had been able to think straight I would have realised he was in the car, capable to drive so he must be ok. I couldn’t see this, I just broke down and cried, images of him being stuck in the middle of a nature reserve where you can go and not see anyone for hours struggling to breathe.

All I could think of was how much I love my husband.

If you have ever read my testimony you would have read the fact that I know my husband saved me. I didn’t believe I deserved love, didn’t really believe in love. Alan showed me true love.   No matter how many times I tried to push him away he never gave up on me. He has never given up on me.

Don’t get me wrong there are times I could easily strangle him, for example when he goes off biking on his own. Or when I have to repeat a conversation he has completely forgotten or hadn’t really heard the first time. Yes he is far from the perfect husband just as I am far from the perfect wife.

Though for 15 years I have loved this man, nearly 14 as his bride. The idea of losing him is something I couldn’t even comprehend.

We have been through so much together, raising our girls, caring for a severely disabled child, financial worries the lost of our home, my illness and of course the biggest loss our daughter Livvy.

When Livvy died someone told me of the amount of marriages that fall apart when something tragic happens. I spoke to Alan about it, as we were both so hurt so damaged this worried me. He held me close and simply said the words “I’m not going anywhere”.

I love this man, he is my partner, my equal, my lover, my friend he completes me.

I know all this but I wondered yesterday if he did. As I held him tenderly (sore ribs) I sobbed into his shoulder how much I loved him. How much I admire and respect him.

He just simply smiled and said “that’s why you put up with me”. Bless him so.

 I can’t promise that I won’t take him for granted again, I’m human after all. What I can promise is that I know how lucky I am to have the honour to be his wife.

1 Corinthians’   13;13

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

I love my husband but it will be a long time before I let him go mountain biking alone again.

I so love this man


About sarawith4

I'm a stay at home mom who loves her faith and and family. I am a new christian and still learning about the glory and grace of our Lord. I'm also a grieving mom who has to try each day to smile. Knowing my child is with the Lord brings me comfort but doesn't take away the pain of missing them.
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One Response to Does he know how much I love him? He scared me!

  1. kingfisher says:

    God bless you and Alan. So thankful he wasn’t hurt worse. I pray that Jesus Christ will give you the strength to release him into the Lord’s hands at all times, and to release yourself “safe in the arms of Jesus”, too. This is a tough world we live in. Lots of opportunities to get hurt — physically, emotionally, morally, spiritually. How I praise God that he never leaves us to walk alone. He is always there, maybe seeming to be only behind the scenes, or maybe in an awareness of his presence. He never stops loving his own.

    Some day we’ll understand why we went through the things we’ve had to face. I’m looking forward to the day when there will be no more tears or sorrow. When we will “know him as we also are known.” Doesn’t that just blow us away? That someday we will be able to know him as we also are known? I can’t really conceive of that, but oh how I long for it!

    “Looking toward the blessed hope of his glorious appearing… “

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