I’m Lost

Yesterday I sent my husband a text saying ” I know I am a miserable cow but I am a miserable cow who loves you with all my heart” I guess this pretty much sums up the way I have been feeling and behaving the last few weeks.

To say I’m overwhelmed by life is a truth and a falsehood all in one.  Life has been strange a lot happening yet so little as well.

Let me explain, normally I survive on routine knowing what is happening keeps me on the straight and narrow. Yet the routine of mine has disappeared and along with the routine my sanity.

I am so bored; life feels like I am stuck on standby. I’ve completely lost my direction, my energy and my humour.

My husband, bless him tries to reassure me that I’m just fed up because I’ve been ill. He tells me when I feel better I will be fine, but I wonder. The last few years my identity has been changed not always through choice.

One minute my life was caring for a child with special needs the next I was a grieving mother.

Who am I? What do I want? What is it I want to achieve?

See living in my head is a scary place at the moment. I would personally love to escape my mind for a day or two.

I have been turning scripture and to prayer but even here I am struggling. I can’t hear God; I can’t understand what he wants from me. I am lost.

1 Peter 5; 7

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you”

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About sarawith4

I'm a stay at home mom who loves her faith and and family. I am a new christian and still learning about the glory and grace of our Lord. I'm also a grieving mom who has to try each day to smile. Knowing my child is with the Lord brings me comfort but doesn't take away the pain of missing them.
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4 Responses to I’m Lost

  1. sarah bess says:

    Lover, Healer, come. Help my sister.
    Praise the Lord right here, right now, just the way you are, Sara.
    “Because [s]he has loved Me, therefore I will deliver h[er]; I will set h[er] securely on high, because [s]he has known My name.” ps. 91:14

  2. Susie says:

    HUgs.

    I personally believe that illness comes as the body’s way to tell remind you that you are not happy about something, upset, angry… The body is the soul’s thermometer.

    You just need to think about what it is you want to do to change your life for the better.

    A great book to read is You Can Heal Your LIfe by Louise Hay.

    Hang in there.

  3. Sunny says:

    Sara – I have been a Christian for over 40 years and I still go through “dry spells” where I feel lost, alone and like God is so far away. But it is those times in the dark that have made me love God even more when the sun comes back out. Because I can see that He was there with me the whole time. And I am in awe. And I have grown because of those dark times. But getting through them is tough, I know. Just stay in the Word, keep crying out to Him. I will be praying for you daily.

  4. Tina says:

    Can I recommend another book?
    Streams in the desert.
    I can’t remember who by but I’ll have a hunt and see if I can find my copy to lend you.

    God does sometimes lead us through the desert but will always give us enough manna for the day.
    Lean on him. He is there for you even when you cannot make him out amidst the sandstorm.
    Love you hugs.

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