Yesterday I sent my husband a text saying ” I know I am a miserable cow but I am a miserable cow who loves you with all my heart” I guess this pretty much sums up the way I have been feeling and behaving the last few weeks.
To say I’m overwhelmed by life is a truth and a falsehood all in one. Life has been strange a lot happening yet so little as well.
Let me explain, normally I survive on routine knowing what is happening keeps me on the straight and narrow. Yet the routine of mine has disappeared and along with the routine my sanity.
I am so bored; life feels like I am stuck on standby. I’ve completely lost my direction, my energy and my humour.
My husband, bless him tries to reassure me that I’m just fed up because I’ve been ill. He tells me when I feel better I will be fine, but I wonder. The last few years my identity has been changed not always through choice.
One minute my life was caring for a child with special needs the next I was a grieving mother.
Who am I? What do I want? What is it I want to achieve?
See living in my head is a scary place at the moment. I would personally love to escape my mind for a day or two.
I have been turning scripture and to prayer but even here I am struggling. I can’t hear God; I can’t understand what he wants from me. I am lost.
1 Peter 5; 7
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you”