“Any of you who does not give up everything he has, cannot be my disciple” – Luke 14.33
I listen, watch, read the words of my fellow Christians and admire and in most cases envy (sorry) the way they trust whole heartily in the Lord. They hand over all their worries, plans, finances, children’s futures to him.
How do I learn to do this?
Patience is what I lack, add that to my controlling attitude I struggle. If I have to wait for anything I am awful. When I look forward in my life I find myself frustrated as I don’t have an itinerary for my future. I would seriously love a plan of when, where and what to do. I know this is because of my insecurities but so.
How do I surrender myself to the Lord? I crave peace and contentment in knowing my life is in God’s hands.
In hindsight I can look back on my life and see many decisions where my lack of patience lack of trust has cost me dearly. When I have tried to give God a timetable. I know this is wrong, one of the hardest lessons I am learning is that God has his own timetable and that he knows what is best for me.
My ego and fear cause me to battle my inner demons so very often.
I don’t want a life where I say I know God. I want to feel God inside of me to have a closeness that fills me in his pure love, trust and faith. I want to be free in God’s eternal love.
I know my eternal father is waiting for me to surrender my all to him. I am just so scared of rejection I hold back. When will I realise he won’t reject me, he gave his son for me.
My friend always writes “I know not what the future holds but I trust the one who holds it”
I want to surrender to this trust. I want to be a disciple.